one two three fourrrrnication!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
