I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
