Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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