He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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