Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
