I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
