the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
