nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
