he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
