friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
