Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize