Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
