He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
