i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
