porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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