So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
