I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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