shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
