If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
