I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
