Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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