i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
