So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
