Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
