I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
