This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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