I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
