U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
