just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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