Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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