i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
