You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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