Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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