dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
