Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
