i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
