My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
