Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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