I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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