Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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