Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
