Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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