dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
