left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
