Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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