He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
