she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
