There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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