just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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