I am spending my child support on dildos
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
