I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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