they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
