he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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