she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm too high and old for this...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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