hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
