And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize