You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
